Now to give the full skinny on the past 37 weeks.
After confirming that we were indeed actually pregnant, Tim and I faced some “life experience credits” that we needed to deal with in order to move forward. First of all, I had lost my job. I was working from home and the way my company could make that possible for bookkeeping was to keep me as an independent contractor. It was great at the time. I was able to write off several things and paid less in taxes, but because of this, I was left with no severance and no unemployment benefits when I was laid off. Tim was working at Target as a “whatever” job to help with extra money while he searched for a full time ministry job, but as the economic conditions worsened, so did the need for a full-time spunky young modern worship leader. Target held our health benefits which meant for Tim that his “whatever” job was now our bread and butter. We had about two weeks left of our 3 bedroom 2 bath single family home on the golf course, and then (thank GOD for them) we moved into the upstairs bedroom of my parents house. Our pride was on the floor, but we had a new life to work hard for. We were having a baby and that meant we had a future to work towards.
The next few weeks were a blur of nausea and sleepy days. I remember feeling thrilled to be puking, because in my mind it meant that the pregnancy was legit. I couldn’t wait to see my OB for our 10 week appointment. I knew what a big deal it was to establish a heartbeat, and of course that week we got to hear two heartbeats! The doctor told us that because we were having twins, the pregnancy was already put to the level of “high risk,” and that we needed to see some baby specialists to assess how “severe” (his words not mine) my situation was.
After that appointment, my emotions were tremendously mixed. I had a job interview the next week and now that I was high risk, would I be ok to work? Tim and I had just barely recovered from heartache of losing a baby, and now we had to see specialists to determine the severity of our situation?! My initial reaction was not of excitement. I was too wrapped up in the possible and in my head probable devastation that could lie ahead. Tim on the other hand, my ultimate optimist, knew that God was listening to our prayers and he couldn’t be more excited for our future babies.
We met with specialists a few days later. The first thing I noticed in the patient room was how dark it was. I always hate going into a doctor’s office knowing they’re going to probe and poke me and having to think about the lovely lighting features of fluorescent bulbs. This was the first doctor’s office I felt comfortable in. What I didn’t realize is that the reason they kept the lights low was because my babies were about to be launched on the big screen. The ultrasound machine they used was like nothing I had ever seen before. It was a beast-most certainly the Hummer of the ultrasound world. The tech gooed me up, stuck the magic baby picture stick on me and-boom-we got to see our little babies up there wiggling and kicking about. It was incredible-two babies! The ultrasound tech was a little dry but tried to explain everything she was looking for. The first thing she said was that the babies were in the same sac which meant that we were having identical twins. First thought: “Great now I’m going to have to tattoo the kids to be able to tell them apart.” She explained that fraternal twins will always have two sacs, but identical twins only have one to share. We also learned that fraternal twins result from two eggs being dropped at ovulation time and two sperms meeting with the eggs at conception. Identical twins however, result from one egg and one sperm randomly splitting into two about 4-5 days after conception. Mind blowing. She told us the that odds of having identical twins is about 3 in 1,000, whereas the birth rate for all twins is about 32.2 in 1,000. Wow this really is something special. The doc came and told us that because the twins share the same sac, they were put at a higher risk level and she wanted to see us again in about 4 weeks. She also addressed the work issue and flat out told me it was not a good idea to be getting a full time job at this point since about 50% of all twin pregnancies hit bedrest at some point. She encouraged me to find a temp agency and work here and there when I felt comfortable, but not to “count on it.”
The next few weeks, my mind was eased a bit. We had made it to the second trimester and finally felt right to tell all our extended friends and family our big news. This was cathartic for me. I felt like being able to speak freely about the pregnancy made it more real. Almost every single person that knew what had happened prior, recognized what a miracle it was for us to be having twins and that alone helped change my narrow view of the temporary into a vision of hope and future. I think it was about that time I really started to accept the pregnancy as real. And then…
We met with our specialists at 15 weeks. I of course had one thing on the brain-Gender! Gender! We got gooed up and the specialist explained that from now on she would be taking a biophysical profile-basically measuring the babies from head to toe to determine growth. Tim and I waited, not so patiently, provoking her to keep a lookout for pee pee parts. She quickly told us that the babies were too small to know what the gen-“Wait, wait…um yes we have a penis.” “Boooys?!” I exclaimed in a confused tone-I knew we were having girls, I just knew it! Tim looked over at me with eyes glazed over and let out a peaceful, “ah, boys.” We chatted each other up about names for the next several minutes while we waited for her to send the doctor in.
This time it was a different doctor. He was extremely nice and knew we had just got the gender news so he gave Tim a big pat and “Congratulations, son.” He went through the sizes of the babies and told us they were looking good. He told us what to expect from here on out with appointments and then the mood completely switched and he let out the horrifying news. I’m not sure the exact wording, but it all came out in doomsday for me. Basically the babies share the same blood supply/nutrients when they are sharing a sac and in about 10% of these types of pregnancies, one baby gets more blood supply/nutrients than the other (They call this twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome or TTTS). He explained that if untreated the baby with more will die because of oversupply and consequently the baby with less will also die because of lack of nutrients. He explained that the fluid levels weren’t low enough to warrant surgery (that in itself might also kill both babies), but that in most cases the fluid levels continue to drop and I would eventually have to drive over to Miami and meet with a fetal surgeon to try and correct the problem. Our big boy news was now completely trampled on by the “how could this freakin’ be?!” news. We now had to meet with the specialists every week to see if the situation worsened.
I called my mom and my closest friends and cried through the next few days. I was officially out of understanding how God could do this to us. We were flat on our backs, never so aware of his presence before, and now he would take away our hope again? I couldn’t go through another miscarriage. I wouldn’t.
Tim, on the other hand, had never been so sure that this was a time to ask everyone we knew to pray for our situation and he told every single person he knew that they needed to pray for his wife and babies like never before. I’ll never forget while lying in bed one night, he told me, “None of this is in our control-God never promised to give us children. All we know is he promised to love and protect us, so if we get kids out of this, we will give God our praise, and if we don’t, we will also give God our praise.” My spiderman obsessed, video gamer lovin’, 26-year-old husband spoke way beyond his years and maturity that night. I think I got through the next month fixating on that conversation alone.
We went back to the specialist the next week to discover that the fluid levels had maintained. The boys were growing and thriving in there, so that was great news to us. The doctor said we could see them every 10 days since the situation wasn’t worsening.
Meanwhile, we had come up with names that week. Gavin and Logan. These weren’t family names or even had great significant meaning, but once we saw each name, we both knew that we could see our little boys…our Gavin and Logan.
This was also blackout week-a weird weird week. Your whole body goes out of whack when you’re preggo and I was no exception to that statement. I was taking a shower one afternoon and woke up 20 minutes later with bruised knees and a headache. I completely blacked out. Weird. A little scary, but I didn’t hit the belly so I felt safe. Then, like two days later I was going downstairs to get some water and I woke up at the bottom of the stairs! I didn’t feel any sort of belly pain, but had a few mild cramps and went in to see my OB. He gooed me up and we saw the boys dancing around in there. Phew. I avoided the stairs as much as possible after that week… although it’s a little hard when you live upstairs.
Back to the specialist. She checked the measurements and then checked them again. The fluid levels had doubled. Doubled?! The doctor came in and told us that this does happen sometimes and to be happy, but also be aware that it can fluctuate and has the possibility to go back down. He told us we could now come every 14 days and sent us on our way. Tim and I knew that this again was special. We knew that someone was listening and we were well taken care of.
The next few weeks were all about getting to week 24. Time crept by, but we knew that at 24 weeks the babies had a chance of surviving. I tried to keep myself busy by doing little knitting projects and working part time doing some assistant work for my parents. I watched endless hours of old Gilmore Girl episodes to keep the time ticking and then finally-we made it! We hit 24 weeks and went to the specialist around that time only to discover that the boys fluid levels were practically equal at this point and they were both growing like weeds!
We still met with the specialists every two weeks and looked forward to see how many ounces and inches the boys grew those few weeks. The levels never dipped down low again!
But the next few weeks were party planning weeks. Tim’s sister is like a professional partier (for real, I think that’s her actual title) and she really came up with a cool “garden party” theme for our babies shower. She got super cute invitations that she spent hours piecing together and had the napkins match the invitations to match the plates that matched the bowls that matched the cake that matched the…you get it. We had a huge turnout! All the women that had helped raise me were there. All my friends from church came and my huge extended family came for the fun too. We ended up getting everything we needed for the babies too! We had zilch in the bank account and no foreseeable extra coming in, so it meant so much that we got just enough to provide.
Somewhere around 30 weeks, my parents helped us find our own place. Our upstairs bedroom was hardly holding us and the dog, so it was time to find something close enough that would give us all a little space. We found a place right down the road from my parents that a guy has it listed for sale, but was also willing to rent to us for cheap in the meantime. It’s a manufactured home and has bubble gum pink carpets and flowery wallpaper, but its our own place! We have a nursery dedicated completely for the boys and even a 3rd bedroom for guests. The neighborhood is great-lots of walkers and the ages vary all over the place. I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but I have never ever appreciated having a roof-any type of roof- and have such a deeper understanding on what I really need versus what I want. We again have been provided for.
The OB told us this week also that our babies would be happy healthy babies with a few weeks in the NICU. We also read on the internet that babies who share a sac typically come sooner because they simply run out of room. Tim and I both just expected it to be any day now…and any day turned into any week now, and now here I am at 37 weeks with at least six pounders full of life and movement. I am going to scheduled to have a c-section this Thursday unless baby Gavin decides to flip out of his breech position and then I will be induced. (you can pray for that J)
I know I am so fortunate in this life. I have friends and family who love and support me and soon I will be ever so forTWINate to have these boys.
Now for your viewing pleasure, here is a slide show of my growth (ahh! How will I ever return?) Oh and its in reverse order—I did say I was new at this remember? 
And a video of the twins when they were just 13 weeks.
Oh and by the way, I promise that after this I will have a few quick lines on what’s new with the boys, some pics and video and then bada-boom you can click on to your next favorite site.