The last few weeks have been an incredible time of perspective and dare I say time for a little growth.

Anytime unexpected change comes, I instinctly take on my flight instinct and try to deny any change is taking place at all. And usually it takes a big event/moment/speech to shake me up a bit to rattle my reality-of course thats what happened.

I spent the first few weeks hoping that the Dr. was wrong. How could I care for a 3rd child after I had such a rough start with my boys? I was still wrestling with postpartum depression when we found out and was bewildered on what would become of me adding more pressure/responsibility to the load and then…

this guy from my church died and left his new bride who was pregnant with their first child. He was as far as I could tell in great shape( in his early 30s) and just went to bed not feeling well and never woke up again. I didn’t know the couple well, but I instantly identified that was tragedy.

I have life dwelling inside me! God has gifted Tim and I another child and I was so caught up in circumstances that I completely took for granted how amazing life is even on the worst of days…

My prayers is that my struggles will someday be used for another young mother so that she doesn’t have to learn lessons the hard way like I do everytime I go through something

That said, I’m pregnant. I know I’m suppose to wait 12 weeks to blurt it out to my friends and family-let alone the world wide web, but its 2:15 in the morning and call it lack of sleep/hyperemotionality but I need to tell someone/everyone. I am beside myself as to how it happened(and no I don’t need an anatomy lesson), but more so completely overwhelmed. I know this little life will bring me the joy my boys do eventually,but right here in the moment-I’m wrecked. I’m not sure what else to say here, but ask that if you’re the praying kind, to shout out for me and right now I’m asking for peace.

On another note, the boys are sick as dogs. They had their first fevers and I have to put Gavin on a Nebulater to help his breathing and to prevent pneumonia. Logan has an ear infection and neither baby has slept well in the last 5 days or so. They are sitting up pretty well and can officially crawl-backwards.

Anyway, heres some pics of the boys in their 6th month.

Logan weighs 15lbs 11 ounces and is 25 inches!
Gavin weighs 14 lbs 7 ounces and also is 25 inches! Growing like weeds!

And we also took many field trips like this one to Mackle Park.

We got to the mall and had to take our Santa pic 3 times! Their camera was acting up and the pic still turned out blurry, but who cares…They got their Santa wish in and we got to ooh and ahh over them. Then I came home and played with the camera. Enjoy

2. Poo stains! I had prepared as much as you can that poo stinks. The fact that Americas Funniest Videos has a clip once a week with a dad changing his baby with a gas mask showed me that breastfed or not, poo will stink. But NO ONE told me that if you get poo on your hand, it will take a good two minutes to get out, not to mention on clothes-changing table-walls-carpets-tile-sheets( I have already experienced all these places, boo.)

3. Tim and I’s team playing skills would be so crucial. I remember the boys were 2 weeks old and my Aunt was coming over to bring us dinner. In times past, if I was having someone over I would literally have anxiety attacks over making sure they didn’t find out I lived like a pig. Tim looked over at me-eyes bloodshot from not sleeping for at least 2 days- and said, “Well do you want me to do the dishes while you clean up the living room?” and I looked at him bug-eyed (I looked like those freaky dogs with the big eyes that sadistic people put on greeting cards-if you don’t get the reference, go back to #1. I am tired) and said, “Are you kidding-this is survival mode! You go to sleep NOW and I will wake you in 4 hours, so you can take the next shift!” I have been telling Tim daily how incredible he has been and him in return. We have a semi-routine in place and his support has been the thread that’s held me together most days.

4.  In the words of our pediatrician, I’ve learned to be fanatically, anti-fanatical. I had romanticized motherhood and specifically newborns my whole life. My best friend had a baby while we were in college and I remember her always having this new mom glow about her. I probably started creating my list of things I would NEVER do then and here I am at week 6 and have pretty much broken all of those rules already. Almost every mother has come out with the parenting method they subscribe to, and all of them believe this IS the way.  I am learning early that there are many ways to raise happy, healthy children and not to get caught up in what so in so says is best.

5. I have never known a love like this. This is one that I can’t describe well. When I was pregnant, I thought I realized how special they were, but I didn’t see their faces light up when Tim’s voice was in the room, or get to see them hold hands when they nurse. The best part about this shocker is that I love them more each day.

So thats my list. The boys have their 1 month visit with the pediatrician tomorrow and a date with Santa. I’ll post info and pics soon!